Prepare your knees for slapping, because these dad jokes, knock-knocks and corny one-liners are wholly hilarious.
Read on and prepare to giggle.Edwin Tan / Getty Images /i Stockphoto
Clear the aisles, because you’re about to be rolling in them.
That’s right, you’ve just landed on the best collection of funny jokes around and all of them are guaranteed to inspire a case of the giggles.
Whether you’re on the hunt for dumb dad jokes, corny one-liners or groan-worthy knock-knocks, we’ve amassed a collection of gags to tell your friends or anyone else who loves a bad-but-good pun.
For instance, why did the invisible man quit his job? He just couldn’t see himself doing it.
Or, did you ever wonder why lions don’t eat clowns? Naturally, it’s because they taste funny.
Yep, we see you. You’re cringing. But it’s only a matter of time before you pass these comedic gems on to the next unsuspecting person. And trust us, there are plenty here to choose from.
Whether you’re looking to entertain the crew or hoping to snicker all by yourself, you’ll find all the laughs you’re looking for in the list below.
Whatever you decide, expect at least one airport joke, because for some reason, we just can’t stop telling them. Must be a terminal problem. (Ba-dum-tss.)
Best Funny Jokes
- Why do sweaters stick together? Because they’re close-knit.
- Did you hear about the octopus that held up a convenience store? It was an armed-robbery.
- Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Any idea how to drive this thing?”
- Why do ducks have tails? To hide their butt-quacks.
- Did you about the stolen dog collar? Police are looking for leads.
- I’m wasn’t a fan of facial hair, but eventually it grew on me.
- Have you ever played quiet tennis? It’s the same as regular tennis, but without the racket.
- What did the mummy say after getting detention? “This sphinx!”
- I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but then I turned myself around.
- Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
- Did you hear about the guy giving away dead batteries? They were free of charge.
- What do lawyers wear under their pants? Briefs.
- Did you hear about the equestrian that got laryngitis? Now she’s a hoarse whisperer.
- Why did the invisible man quit his job? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
- There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can do math and those who can’t.
Silly Dad Jokes
- Why did the author get married? She found Mr. Write.
- Why don’t skeletons skydive? They don’t have the guts to do it.
- Where do cucumbers go on date night? The salad bar.
- Did you hear about the pine tree that got a timeout? It was being knotty.
- What do you say to a cow that gets in your way? “Moooo-ve!”
- I met a giant once. I didn’t know what to say, so I just used big words.
- Did you hear about the dolphin romance? They really clicked.
- A horse walks into a diner. The host says, “Hey!” The horse says, “You read my mind!”
- How did people see in the dark during medieval times? They used knight lights.
- Why aren’t there a lot of jokes about peaches? Because most of them are pit-iful.
- What’s the best way to catch a squirrel? Act like a nut.
- Did you hear about math book that got a therapist? It had a lot of problems.
- What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
- What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean beef.
- Why shouldn’t you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
- Did you hear about the cat that aced the test? It got a purr-fect score.
- Why is the ocean so clean? It has mer-maids.
- Why did the king go to the dentist? He needed a crown.