- Did you hear about the archeologist who got fired? His career was in ruins.
- I’d tell you a construction joke, but I’m still working on it.
- Why don’t lions eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
- Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the dock-tor.
- Did you hear about the ghost that joined a soccer team? It wanted to be a ghoulie.
- Why did the potato leave the bar? All eyes were on him.
- What do you get when you cross a guitar, drums and a car tire? A rubber band.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants to the course? In case he got a hole in one.
- Why did the boy wear his coat to dinner? Because chili was on the menu.
- Did you hear about the baseball player who got arrested? He stole second base.
- Why aren’t kids allowed to see pirate movies? They’re all rated arrrrr.
- How much does it cost to hire a deer? A buck.
- How did police catch the thief who robbed an Apple store? There was an iWitness.
- Why did the coffee cup file a police report? It got mugged.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Thankfully, someone woke her up.
- What kind of scientists avoid the sun? Paleontologists.
- Why did the financial planner quit his job? He was losing interest.
- Did you hear about the guy who decided to hang mirrors for a living? It’s something he could see himself doing.
- Why do frogs like playing baseball? They’re good at catching fly balls.
- How did Noah sail his ark at night? Using floodlights.
- How do lumberjacks know how many trees they’ve cut down? They keep a log.
- Why are sports stadiums so chilly? Too many fans.
- Where do cows get their clothes? From cattle-logs.
- What kind of socks should you buy a bear? None. They prefer to go barefoot.
- How do honeybees get to school? On the buzz.
- Why did Darth Vader go to the dermatologist? He had Star Warts.
- Did you hear about the light that got arrested? It went to prism.
- Why did the beach get embarrassed? Because it noticed the sea weed.
- I’m obsessed with telling airport jokes. My doctor says it’s a terminal problem.
Funny Jokes For Adults
- I was going to tell you a joke about sodium, but then I thought, “Na.”
- What’s a pirate’s favorite subject in school? Arrrr-t.
- Did you hear about the killer whale that learned to play the flute? He wanted to be in the orca-stra.
- What do you call a crocodile that’s always causing trouble? An insta-gator.
- I think I’m addicted to cheese. Don’t worry, it’s only mild.
- What kind of shoes do breadsticks wear? Loafers.
- Why shouldn’t you trust trees? They can be a little shady.
- Why didn’t the skeleton go skydiving? He didn’t have the guts.
- If you find out when fishing season begins, let minnow!
- What’s the best way to make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
- Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.
- Why did the man name his puppy “Timex”? He wanted a watchdog.
- Why did the pony eat a cough drop? It was a little horse.
- What do mermaids wear under their shirts? Algae-bras.
- What did the salmon say after hitting a wall? “Dam!”
- How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away his credit card.
- Did you hear about the gardener who was excited for spring? She wet her plants.
- What gift did the dentist get upon retiring? A little plaque.
- Why are barbers always on time? They know a lot of shortcuts.
- What do bananas wear around the house? Slippers.
- Why did the spoon quit his job? He was going stir-crazy.
- I told a bad chemistry joke once. It didn’t get much of a reaction.
- What did the pirate say at his 80th birthday party? “Aye, Matey!”
- Why shouldn’t you play hide-and-seek at a hospital? You’ll always be found in the ICU.
- Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
- Why are elephants so wrinkled? No one knows how to iron them.
- How many skunks does it take to make a stink? Just a phew.
- What did one sick vampire say to the other? “Is that you coffin?”
- When is a car not a car? When it turns into a parking lot.
- Why don’t insects get sick? They have anty-bodies.
- Did you hear about the guy who deposited his watch at the bank? He wanted to save time.
- What’s a donut’s favorite song? “Cruller Summer”
- Why do chickens have a lot of parties? They enjoy hen-tertaining.
- Why did the pigs move? They were living in a high-grime neighborhood.
- I just had the dentist pull out all my teeth. I’m never doing that again.
- Why don’t seashells take baths? Because they wash up on the beach.
- Why shouldn’t you trust jungle animals? They’re always lion.
- What do fish use to buy groceries? Sand dollars.
- Did you hear about the robbery at the glue factory? It was a stickup.
- Why did the suspenders go to jail? They held up a pair of pants.
- Why don’t mountains ever get cold? They have snowcaps.