These corny knock-knocks and spooky one-liners are scary good.
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If you like Halloween jokes, then get ready, because we’ve got an entire collection of frightfully funny one-liners that are sure to make you laugh yourself silly.
For instance, have you ever wondered how ghosts play the piano? They use sheet music, naturally.
Or how about this one: What’s the best way to speak to a giant mummy? Use big words.
Truthfully, there’s nothing better than a dumb dad joke. Unless, of course, it’s a dumb Halloween dad joke. And that’s just what you’ll find in the compilation of (candy) corny wisecracks below.
Included in this list of groan-worthy gags you’ll find jokes on witches, zombies, ghosts, vampires, jack-o’-lanterns and all the rest of your favorite Halloween figures.
Better yet, each of these Halloween puns and knock-knocks are, ahem, a total scream.
Whether you use one of these inspired Halloween gags as an Instagram caption or to keep your gang in stitches while carving pumpkins, you’re sure to find everything required to deliver the giggles in the collection of Halloween jokes below.
For instance, what do you call a werewolf with a fever? A hot dog. Speaking of werewolves, where’s the one place you won’t find them? The flea market.
We’re howling over here and soon you will be too, with this compilation of Halloween jokes so good, they’re sure to scare up all the laughs.
Best Halloween Jokes
- How do ghosts become pilots? They go to fright school.
- How do ghosts play the piano? They use sheet music.
- Where do sorcerers go when they get sick? The witch doctor.
- Why doesn’t Frankenstein dance? He’s got two left feet.
- Why don’t skeletons skydive? They don’t have the guts.
- Why did the ghost join the soccer team? It wanted to be a ghoulie.
- What do you call a werewolf with a fever? A hog dog.
- How do bats know how to fly? They just wing it.
- What’s a spider’s favorite side dish? Corn on the cobweb.
- What do bats do in their free time? Hang out.
- Why do witches like hotels? They get broom service.
- Why did the ghost blow its nose? It had boo-gers.
- What kind of shoes do ghosts wear in the winter? Boo-ts.
- How do monsters take their bagels? With scream cheese.
- Why did the cyclops quit its teaching job? It only had one pupil.
- What do cemeteries and books have in common? They both have a lot of plots.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangs-giving.
- What do ghosts put in their hot cocoa? Whipped scream.
- What do birds hand out on Halloween? Tweets.
- What’s the best way to speak to a giant mummy? Use big words.
- What’s a black cat’s favorite song? “Three Blind Mice.”
- Why did the ghost go to the mall? He needed new boo jeans.
- What’s the best way to hire a vampire? Put him on a ladder.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarine.
- How do monsters stay cool in the summer? They use scare-conditioning.
- Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
- How do ghosts score touchdowns? They get the ball across the ghoul-line.
- Did you hear about the black cat that ate a lemon? Now it’s a sourpuss.
- Why don’t mummies gossip? They don’t want to get a bad wrap.
- Why was the witch late for work? She over-swept.
- Why do monsters love Halloween? It’s the most wonderful time of the fear.
- How do French ghosts greet each other? They say “bone-jour!”
- Where do baby monsters go when their parents are at work? Day-scare.
- Did you hear about the invisible man who went to the doctor? He’s still waiting to be seen.
- What do zombies eat for dessert? Ladyfingers.
- Why do people assume witches are mean? They have resting witch faces.
- Did you hear about the witch that parked illegally? Her car got toad.
- How do vampires get to Transylvania? By scare-plane.
- Where’s the one place you won’t find werewolves? The flea market.