- Why do cemeteries have fences? Because everyone’s dying to get in.
- What did one invisible man say to the other? Long time, no see.
- Why don’t vampires eat cows? They don’t like stakes.
- Why didn’t the police arrest the zombie? He couldn’t be taken alive.
- Did you hear about the witch who went to the doctor? She had a fainting spell.
- Why shouldn’t you trust werewolves? They’re good fur nothing.
- How do ghosts drink their coffee? With scream and sugar.
- How many real vampires are there? None. Unless you count Dracula.
- Did you hear about the gloomy jack-o’-lantern? It needed to lighten up.
- Where do spiders do their Halloween shopping? On the web.
- What do ghosts drink? Mountain Boo.
- What’s a zombie’s favorite song? “Teenage Scream”
- What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? Ice scream sandwich.
- Why can’t werewolves play basketball? They get too many howls.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite TV show? “Big Fang Theory.”
- What’s a zombie’s favorite band? The Dead Hot Chili Peppers.
- Why did the ghost quit his job? They kept making him work the graveyard shift.
- How did Dracula learn to be a vampire? He took a crash corpse.
- Why do cemeteries have waiting lists? Because everyone’s dying to get in.
- What did the zombie mom say when her ghouls asked to take the car? Over my dead body.
- What did one skeleton say to the other? I’ve got a bone to pick with you.
- Where do witches go on vacation? Doesn’t matter as long as there’s a broom with a view.
- When’s the best time to cast a spell? The witching hour.
- What do you call a ghost hornet? A boo-bee.
- Why shouldn’t you date a mummy? They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
- What did one piece of hard candy say to the other after it helped it escape from being eaten? Thanks! You’re a real lifesaver.
- Did you hear about the tech worker who got turned into a vampire? Now he Gigabites.
Funny Halloween Jokes
- Who’s in charge of the candy corn? The kernel.
- What’s a mummy’s favorite genre of music? Wrap.
- Why did the Headless Horseman go to school? He wanted to get a-head in life.
- Why do witches wear name tags? To tell which witch is which.
- What did the ghost say when it fell down? I got a boo-boo.
- What kind of rocks do ghosts collect? Tombstones.
- Did you hear about the zombie that took a nap? It was dead tired.
- When do cows turn into werewolves? During the full moooooon.
- Did you hear about the crazy vampire? He was totally batty.
- Where do ghosts buy stamps? At the ghost office.